I am not quite sure why I am putting this in my blog, except that this has been and continues to be an important subject for me, and perhaps a reader sometime can find some help in these simple rules.
COPING WITH LIFE
I have observed that stress is relative.
Whether it is someone in a senior management position struggling with huge issues, someone in a minimum wage category worried about paying the rent, or a stay at home parent with problem children, the stress can be equal.
At one time I was in a stress management position that threatened to destroy me, and I knew I had to find a way to deal with it.
There are lots of trite sayings and cliches that sound good but are not really helpful. I originally developed these 6 (and there are others I have not included here) for dealing with job stress, but I find they are also of great value in just coping with what life dishes out.
For anything to work, effort and discipline are required. I chose to call these “Rules” and treat them as “Must Do” in every aspect of my life – without fail.
1. Carry a 3 x 5 file card and pen/pencil with you at all times. When something occurs to you that needs to be done, make a brief note of it. Also make a note of anything you wish to remember later – someone’s anniversary date or birthday, etc. Keep the cards active until you have acted on every single item, and cross each out as you act on it. You will find several interesting things happen. Your list will include items as simple as “cut the grass” or “return the book” mixed in with major life and death issues – and – each will have equal importance in your mind until you have written them down. The simple act of recording them serves to free up your mind, and you will get relief from seeing how few are truly important. An added benefit is that your friends, family, co workers etc will be amazed that you remembered their birthdays or whatever. You will also find great satisfaction in crossing items off the list. Finally, you will see that there are items that will take lots of effort and time, and items that can be handled in less than a minute. When you have that small time window you can knock off a short task. The mind is a wonderful and terrible thing. All these must do’s scramble around in there continually sharing equal space. When you write them down you will find immediate mental relief because your subconscious no longer needs to keep them in the forefront. Just empty your mind onto paper. If you never do anything else, this one action will seem almost like magic – I guarantee it!
2. Never accept a load of stress on ego issues. When you find that something that is really bothering you is because your feelings are hurt – or any of the many things that can eat away at your soul, do not allow them any space in your life. Erase it from your mind totally and irrevocably! As someone once said "remember that what someone else thinks of you is none of your business".
3. Never let anyone take a bite out of your soul. All of us have at times chuckled at a nasty joke – perhaps something bigoted, or we have remained silent when our conscience says we should speak up. Generally this happens because we don’t want to make waves, or that we will look different, or that our opinion on the subject is not the popular opinion of the group.
We become that which we do not protest!
Take your stand! You will feel wonderful, and you will be surprised that others will admire you for it because they felt the same way but lacked the courage to do the right thing. If you do not act when the opportunity presents itself, you have lost a bit of your soul! In summary on this point, if something feels right according to your ethics and conscience, do it. If it feels wrong, never never never give an inch or an iota!
4. How big is this issue in the total span of your life? Do you remember times in your life when there were circumstances that made everything look impossibly bad. Things you were sure you could not endure. The future looked totally bleak. Then, later, you found that you could and did deal with it and it was not so bad after all. Yes of course there are issues that are desperately important, but the key is to identify them properly. Most issues however will be remembered later as only a tiny blip on the radar screen of your total life. Simply put issues into perspective.
5. What to do when you don’t know what to do. This one can be difficult for many people but it will come easier after the first few times. Whatever the issue is, just empty your mind on paper (or virtual paper). Write down everything that comes into your mind on the subject. Do not try to edit your thoughts or deny thoughts that are contradictory or are in some way against your nature. Just let it all out – including frustrations, anger, jealousy, bitterness,etc. Let it flow. No one else is going to read it, so you can afford to be brutally honest with yourself (harder than you might think because we lie to ourselves all the time!). You will find out what you really think about the subject/issue and you may be very surprised at the results. The fact is that you likely know the solution, or the actions required, but your inhibitors prevent you from even considering them. Whether it is financial, family, relationship, business, health or any of the other potential issues, this method is a remarkable tool.
6. Remember that success is good enough! No, that does not mean “if it isn’t broke don’t fix it”! It means simply that when a specific goal is accomplished, if it has met the criteria you set for it, go on to others that need attention. Don’t berate yourself by thinking you could have done more or better.
It does not mean you should not reach for the stars – you should. Each small success is a stepping stone to a greater success next time. Be content with yourself and remind yourself of all your successes. You have not failed even though you have more challenges to face, and face and overcome them you can and you will!
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